It was so hard to accept the truth – I was a successful businesswoman, but I failed myself.
I was giving up on my needs just to save others from feeling uncomfortable by dealing with “naive child.” I used to silence my values to keep peace in my relationships. I WASN’T EVEN AWARE OF THIS.
I gave up on so many wishes because I feel that I gave so much pain to my parents by asking for the “impossible”. I didn’t want to put them into an uncomfortable position to tell me ever again – “We don’t have money for that.” By the time that became my only belief. That I need to have enough money so I can DARE TO WISH. I put my dreams on hold, and I worked. I choose to study, work, and work even more. If there was nothing to do, I would be in a panic. I would stick with new commitments. I was so scared that someone would ask me about what it is that I genuinely want. So I didn’t have time to talk. I believed that I don’t have time even to talk with myself because I spent one more day following the rules of the profession and daily obligations.
“What was that I liked to do when I was a child? I don’t know any kid who doesn’t like to make some mess with watercolors! That’s what I am going to do.” I can’t tell you what the DIFFERENCE I MADE WITHIN MYSELF was just by getting back to playing with water and color, with brush and paper, with lines and shapes that were created spontaneously. I felt relaxed, yet I remembered so many beautiful moments I forgot about. And I laughed like crazy.
I shared this idea with my friends. Especially with those who say – I have no talent for painting! – Hey, they tried to do the same, and they LOVED IT!
We enjoyed watching how color is dancing with water. Hey, we didn’t care, we just enjoyed it! The more we played with colors, the more we played with our minds. And we achieved impossible! Relaxed from expectations and noise, we enjoyed the process!
Now, I am thinking of spreading this creative virus further! Would you like to join us?